Candian Apology
Got this a while ago and thought I had posted it, guess not.
Courtesy of Rick Mercer from This Hour Has 22 Minutes CBC Television:
On behalf of Canadians everywhere I’d like to offer an apology to
the United States of America. We haven’t been getting along very well
recently and for that, I am truly sorry.
I’m sorry we called George Bush a moron. He is a moron but, it
wasn’t nice of us to point it out. If it’s any consolation, the fact that
he’s a moron shouldn’t reflect poorly on the people of America. After all
it’s not like you actually elected him.
I’m sorry about our softwood lumber. Just because we have more trees
than you doesn’t give us the right to sell you lumber that’s cheaper and
better than your own.
I’m sorry we beat you in Olympic hockey. In our defence I guess our
excuse would be that our team was much, much, much, much better than yours.
I’m sorry we burnt down your white house during the war of 1812. I
notice you’ve rebuilt it! It’s Very Nice.
I’m sorry about your beer. I know we had nothing to do with your
beer but, we Feel your Pain.
I’m sorry about our waffling on Iraq. I mean, when you’re going up
against a crazed dictator, you wanna have your friends by your side. I
realize it took more than two years before you guys pitched in against
Hitler, but that was different. Everyone knew he had weapons.
And finally on behalf of all Canadians, I’m sorry that we’re
constantly apologizing for things in a passive-aggressive way which is
really a thinly veiled criticism. I sincerely hope that you’re not upset
over this. We’ve seen what you do to countries you get upset with.
Thank you.
United States of America Response to
Canadian Appology
It seems very ironic that someone named “Eddie
The Canuck” could call anyone a moron let alone
the leader of the free world. You burned our
White House in the War of 1812?? Excuse me??!
Is that all you got?? Yes, your hockey team did
beat ours, and all those rocket scientists who
played for the “Big C” are making big American
dollars here in the evil empire that they certainly would not be earning on the farm in Calgary. At a recent Boston/Montreal hockey
game at The Forum the people of Canada chose to
boo and dishonor our national anthem, as well as
themselves, sad stuff for a jealous and sad country. The people of America always knew that
the French were a bunch of feminine, useless, cowardly, ass licking, scrotum sucking, degenerate pack of parasites, but we were very,
very, very, very, very, very, very , very, very
surprised to find out our “friendly neighbors”
to the north had absolutely no balls at all.
Now we know why they call you the “Big C”!!!!!
I guess you can’t expect much more from a third
world country with no pride, dignity, or sense
of loyalty. By the way, get over yourselves with
this beer thing. Christ, 99% of it tastes like
bear piss and the other 1% probably is piss.
I tell you what, you can take a nice little trip
to P.E.I. (where strangely all the people look alike) this summer and drive to the shore, walk right down to the water and pick up a big
handful of sand in one hand and a Molson’s Piss,
oh sorry, Molson’s “Gold” in the other and pound
them both up your ass. What do think, eh???!!!
What’s someone with in IQ of 160 in Canada??
A village.
We feel your pain, a mind is a terrible thing to
think you have.
Comment by Bill Burns — 5/30/2003 @ 6:42 am
Um, Bill… dude… lighten the fuck up, it’s a joke!!!
I was going to delete it, but you know what I’m going to keep your comments up there just because it amuses me that someone can get so irate over a joke email that pokes fun at the U.S. Especially with all the Canada bashing I hear daily. All I have to say is you’d better watch that blood preasure of your’s or it’s gonna burst. Thanks for the laughs.
P.S. By the way Willy, if you’re going to call someone, much less and entire country, ignorant you should really proof read your comments and make sure your grammar is correct.
“What’s someone with in IQ of 160 in Canada??”, tsk, tsk Willy. Apparently Someone with AN IQ of 160 in Canada has 150 points more than you. Later.
Comment by Eddie — 6/6/2003 @ 2:13 pm
Looks to me like someone was potty-trained at gunpoint. I’m here to help though… if you can pull your head out of your ass long enough to read the following:
Main Entry: sat·ire
Pronunciation: ’sa-”tIr
Function: noun
Etymology: Middle French or Latin; Middle French, from Latin satura, satira, perhaps from (lanx) satura dish of mixed ingredients, from feminine of satur well-fed; akin to Latin satis enough — more at SAD
Date: 1501
1 : a literary work holding up human vices and follies to ridicule or scorn
2 : trenchant wit, irony, or sarcasm used to expose and discredit vice or folly
Oh… and just a note… never use your work email address to flame someone.
Comment by bio — 6/6/2003 @ 2:15 pm
Bill… I found your response flavored with wit! why … every canadian should know by now that the ‘my daddy is bigger than your daddy’ argument stands up against any opposing opinion!!! Dumb canadians… why, how dare they participate in the democracy of our free world AND claim to have better beer. And I am sure you are right about the taste of your piss… but Im not sure I would actually admit to drinking it like that… oh you are a cutie though. Thank GOD for smart piss drinkers like you Bill. Or is it Billy…?
Comment by indngirl — 6/7/2003 @ 1:03 am
“leader of the free world” - did he make that one up himself?
your comments are way out of line and pointless.
get up on the wrong side of the bed?
Comment by marc — 5/12/2004 @ 2:34 pm
I have never heard such a load of stupid american jibber-jabber in my life. if you plan to respond in a negative fashion try learning a few facts first. 1. canadians Did burn your whitehouse down… not once but twice! it used to be painted red, and was even re-painted red after a canadian devision burnt it down. but after 12 drunken off duty soldiers whent down wit 2 muskets, 4 crossbows, and a bunch of torches to burn it down again it was painted with the cheapest paint possible. can you geuss what colour that was? yup you geussed it WHITE. so really you should be thanking us up here in canada for your prestine white government building and not being moronic stuck up sore losers who think that if they say somthing didnt happen then they’ll never have to deal with it.
lets talk about hockey. no it is not our national sport, but we can still kick your asses any day of the wek. the ONLY chance you have of beating us is by ofering OUR star players from CANADA multi-million dollor contracts that most of our cities cant afford too combat in order to try and corver up the fact that the only thing that you fat-asses can do as far as sports are concerned is swing a stick at a ball, and hope you dont have to run too hard.
beer. Yes we Canadians love our beer. now I dont have a habbit of drinking piss, so if you say that it tastes like piss then Ill belive you. but you know what? at least our “piss” contains alcahol, unlike your watered down shit that you like to drink and get drunik. up here in CANADA we sell your beer in the grocery stores as “non-alcaholic” beer. but I geuss that it must taste better being made mostly of water and lacking in sertain ingreadients like barly or say hops?
and as for all the people looking alike have you ever ben to new-york? how bout just about anywhere in arkansis? Texas? or any other of your overpopulated hicktowns?
just because your leader is far smarted than you with his 94 point IQ (acording to the latest studies) and the compleate inability to read…which reminds me congats on getting through ricks rport, and more so on making it this far in mine… does not mean that you should attempt to harass poeple who are smarter on average than the entire population of your country.
did you know that a 160 IQ in the states is aprox equivalent toa 150 IQ in canada. and a high school deploma is equivilent too a post secondary degree? did you know that cCANADA has never lost a war, not even to the “leaders of the free world”?
and how is a world freewhen if they dont follow your counrties rules which are so moronicly imposed they get the fuck bombed out of them?
and on that note what kind of country blows up its own buildings to attept to start a war with a country that is just tring to stand up after a vicious 4 year bombing raid?
what kind of egotistical morons have to take credit for thier allies battles whenever possible because they dont have any of their own to brag about? and on the same note cover up any proof that they where ever defeated, just incase it may harm their ego.
If yoou really want to play this game Billy, I can plauy all night long. so I suggest that you turn around, tuck your tail between your legs and high-tail it back to your own oblivious country where you can hide behind your money because you hve no true skills to speak of. (and tremble benaeth -which is where you are truly- a suppirior force of better, smarter, stronger forces than yourselves)
Comment by OMG — 11/3/2005 @ 2:03 pm